A coffee, a burrito…and a pair of eyes.
It’s 9am, I’m at a huge convention about to have breakfast, meeting a potential candidate to join the team.
It’s busy, scores of people milling back and forth, the purposeful movement of people on a mission to be somewhere else.
We’re talking, an easy morning banter, but I’m suddenly conscious of one thing - their eyes.
They’re darting, back and forth to the people walking past us, as if these people were dopamine magnets - and far more interesting than me. Now, that’s not difficult to be, but I couldn’t help thinking, you’re not really listening to me are you?
They glance away from me again, just as I finish my thought.
I dig my mental heels in, determined to keep eye contact, even when their own eyes have been lost to fleeting thoughts I can’t see.
We wrap.
I leave, the conversation echoes like the throw of a stone on a lake, skipping across the surface of a half baked chat, a few momentary pops, but nothing of depth.
The ripples subside and we go about our day.
****
I’ve been reflecting on the power of eye contact ever since.
They say the eyes are the window to the soul. Perhaps. But they’re definitely the window to communication.
I remember a colleague whose eyes had a mind of their own, darting to their phone whenever it buzzed, no matter how serious or meaningful the conversation we were engaged in.
It was often accompanied by a sorry, give me a second to check that, followed by a feeling that everything that had just been said had left their consciousness with a silent, trust-killing, thud.
****
There’s entire parables on the importance of eye contact. How it builds trust, enhances rapport and signals sincerity. There’s even science about your blink rate, or that you should follow a 50/70 rule: maintaining eye contact 50% of the time while speaking, and 70% of the time while listening.
But perhaps the most important thing to take away from this Jolt is so simple in its essence and meaning - eye contact lets the other person know you’re interested.
There’s nothing worse in any form of communication, when the other person isn’t interested in anything you say or do.
You might as well be talking to their hand.