Even The CEO Cries In The Bathroom
And they’re not crocodile tears.
Take it from me, anxiety is a total party pooper when it comes to enjoying work.
But let me straighten the bed sheets first: you’re not the only one ruminating on your turn to do your update in front of the team.
We all are.
Even the person leading the meeting - the one with the title and the cloying ability to say “circle back” and “break frame” with a straight face and no hint of irony — is just as anxious as you are.
And in my experience, probably more anxious.
After all, they have to pretend to know what they’re doing - and really pretend that they know what EBITDA means.
Anxiety Is Work’s Most Popular Employee.
Workplace anxiety is not a sign of weakness, fragility, or lack of professionalism.
It’s actually a skill. Yeah, odd to say I know; but it means you are a thinking, caring human who is trying not to ruin their career before lunch.
You might feel anxiety’s brusk and painful horns, just as I used to, when:
Your boss says, “Can I see you for a minute?”. Holy f@ck, what did I do!
You get CC’d on an email with the subject line: “Urgent.” Ah, sh@t, busted for being rubbish!
Or you send a message, then reread it 47 times to make sure it doesn’t accidentally sound like you’re starting a military coup.
Congratulations. You’re alive. You care.
And all because your brain is just trying to protect you from being eaten by a lion, when it’s not a lion at all - it’s just Eric from accounting.
CEOs Are Nervous Wrecks Too
Let’s humanize the big dogs, shall we? That woman pacing on stage at the all-hands meeting while clicking a tiny PowerPoint remote?
She woke up at 3 a.m last night wondering if she accidentally offended an entire department by calling them “our scrappy little team”, while pointing at the only individual on the performance-improvement-plan who’s a high risk for litigation.
She’s googled, “How to look confident while panicking inside.”, then deleted her search because it made her feel inferior and she’s convinced the board get copies of her search history.
She’s rehearsed saying “we’re pivoting” in the mirror, so she doesn’t spit on the front row as she enunciates the letter “P”.
She has the same imposter syndrome as you - she’s just got a more expensive manicure and a practiced poker face.
So How Do You Handle Your Anxiety Without Mentally Moving to Mars?
1. Name It to Tame It.
This worked for me. Saying “I’m feeling anxious” meets anxiety head on. It’s not an admission of defeat. It’s a power move. It turns a wily monster into something manageable. Say it out loud. Whisper it if you have to. It’s like saying “Beetlejuice”—once you name it, it loses some power.
2. Your Coworkers Don’t Hate You. They’re Just on Mute.
Anxiety loves to whisper little lies, like, “Everyone thinks you're incompetent”. But here’s the beautiful thing; everyone - and I mean everyone - is too busy wondering if they sound incompetent. We’re all a collection of nerves wrapped in to-do’s, projects and deliverable’s.
3. Write the Email. Then Don’t Read It 12 Times.
Perfectionism is anxiety in Spanx. I don’t wear Spanx, but looking at it gives me hives. It looks tight, restrictive, and no one likes it. Just like anxiety. Write the email. Spellcheck it once. Check your mum would be happy receiving it. Then send it. Breathe.
4. Take a Bathroom Break.
Go for a walk. Whenever I feel like my skull is being crushed by ann onslaught of things my mind can’t quite find room for, I go for a very deliberate walk. To the loo. Go. Breathe. Regroup. Maybe cry. All of it is allowed.
5. Make Friends With Other Humans.
Having one person you can message “This meeting is worse than root canal surgery without anesthetic and that twat from finance needs a good smack in the face” makes all the difference. Anxiety thrives in isolation. Connection is its kryptonite.
The Jolt.
Everyone has anxiety. It’s not proof that you’re bad at your job. It’s proof that you care. That you're trying. That you don’t want to let people down. And while that’s exhausting, it’s also deeply human.
It’s a skill.
You are not alone.
You are not failing.
You’re a good person trying your best in a system that runs on deadlines, caffeine, and lumps of EBITDA masquerading as the meaning of life.
Remember, it’s just a game.
With love and calm,
The Jolt.