I was recently introduced to a concept that made me sit back and think.
It’s called having Happy Ears.
Happy Ears occur in any situation where we are listening to someone who tells us something we believe we know the answer to, so we tell them it right away.
Why wouldn’t we? If we know the answer?
Worse still, our Happy Ears are so keen to solve things, they make us interrupt the flow like a bad Facebook ad, and say something like, “I know how to fix this”.
Especially if we’re in a room full of people and we want to look good. Who doesn’t want to be the winner?
But this keenness of spirit can actually work against us. It’s a mental trick that reduces our ability to make good, insightful decisions and recommendations. It closes down one of the most important skills for our career development - our curiosity.
We’ve all seen it when the person we are talking to already has the answer in their heads. They’re not listening to us!
Instead, they’re mentally preparing an answer, and we know it. We see their mouth move to talk, or they’re nodding in agreement simply to close the conversation so they can get their words in.
They have big, floppy, Happy Ears.
They’re hearing what they want to hear to support their point, skill, knowledge or value - and they’re going to make sure you know it.
The secret to managing Happy Ears, is knowing that it’s happening to us in the first place, and despite the urge - and it really is an urge - to solve, fix or sell right there and then, we instead continue to listen.
It’s the proverbial putting of a cork in our mouth, and practicing curiosity and patience.
So why is it so important?
In any situation (with a boss, a peer, a client, a buyer, a child, a partner), where we’re trying to influence, sell or get an agreement, understanding when we have Happy Ears prevents us from committing to a solution before we know what the problem really is.
It reminds us to stop, listen and continue to ask good questions - and then ask some more.
What we think is needed (because our Happy Ears have told us so), may actually be something very, very different.
When faced with a situation like this, the most successful people take their Happy Ears off.
They continue to listen and ask good questions. Even when the urge to speak feels palpable. They do it until they are convinced their Happy Ears are no longer Happy.
Have some fun with this one Jolters.
You might be surprised (like I was), just how Happy your ears are.
Love and Listening,
The Jolt.